Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Word of the day: giggle

Giggle: (v.) to laugh lightly in a nervous or silly manner.

Yeah, yeah...I know. It's been awhile. Sorry about that.

There have been a lot of things going on lately, not the least of which involves me wearing pajamas an awful lot of the time and lamenting the fact that I don't have a job where I'm required to use a magnifying glass. Also my boys started high school, my daughter won her student council election and my youngest son has yet to swear in third grade, blah blah blah. Things of that nature.

On to the real story here. Our old dog Jack was out of food yesterday, and of course we didn't realize it until it was after bedtime, so I changed out of pajamas into real clothes and went to the grocery to get dog food. I also grabbed some dryer sheets and Cheez-It Snack Mix while I was there, in case you were wondering. I meandered sleepily to the check out line, reading up on important Facebook happenings and checking out Instagram pictures on my phone while I waited for the person in front of me to finish paying. Another person got in line behind me. It was very much like any other shopping trip and I wouldn't even bother recounting the tale to you if it wasn't for the very unexpected and startlingly loud fart that rang out from the arse of the shopper in front of me while we were waiting in line.

I'm 35 years old now, and you would think that I'd have some sort of control over my reaction to a fart, but you would be wrong. I started giggling the kind of giggle that I knew could quickly spiral out of control and into full blown church giggles at a moment's notice, so I tried to talk myself down and took a moment to look around and see who else was laughing. Apparently I was the only immature child in line, and oddly enough the fact that no one else was acknowledging the very smelly elephant in the room made me laugh even harder. By the time the gassy fellow was done with his order and it was my turn to pay, I was hopelessly consumed with uncontrollable laughter to the point that I was crying, and I was the only person who seemed to find any of this amusing, which of course made it even funnier. A vicious cycle, I tell you.

The main reason I'm sharing this is because, well, SOMEONE LOUDLY FARTED IN THE GROCERY STORE CHECKOUT AISLE. That's it. That's all. That's the only reason.

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