Friday, April 5, 2013

Word of the day: incredulous

Incredulous: (adj.) unwilling or unable to believe something.

Hellllllo, Friday! So nice of you to finally show up! 

Tonight, this thing happened. We have three handsets for our phone and they invariably float around the house getting lost in the couch cushions or put on a shelf in the pantry and it's quite rare that any of them are actually on the charger. Two of them somehow ended up on the end table next to Granny's chair, and in her own passive-aggressive way of telling us to stop being lazy and put them on the charger, she said, "I have two phones over here on my table if anyone needs them."

It's approximately 9:45 p.m. at this point, which in my opinion is entirely too late to be calling anyone, a belief that is probably reinforced by my parents' insistence that we not use the phone after 8 p.m. So D (my six-year-old) picks up the phone and wanders into the kitchen and then comes back pretending to talk to this girl Violet from his first grade class at school. I, fueled by just the teeniest bit of whiskey, pick up my cell phone and pretend to be Violet and have a cheery and ridiculous conversation with my son. After about fifteen or twenty seconds, I realize that he is really listening to his end of the conversation and he is asking questions that seem awfully specific and not at all pertaining to my end of the conversation, so with a flash of dawning horror, I hop up and grab the phone from him and cautiously say, "Hello?" Lo and effing behold, there is someone on the phone. A man. A very unamused man. 

I somewhat hesitantly ask him who he is, and he says he is John Doe (obviously not his real name)...Violet's father. VIOLET'S FATHER. In my inebriated state, this is inordinately funny and I start belly laughing and trying to apologize for my son calling his house so late and Mr. John Doe does not find this nearly as amusing as I do. I think I apologized thirty or forty times and told him to have a wonderful night in between snort laughing and drooling on myself and omg, did this really happen? Did this really just happen?

It really just happened. I'm still sitting here thirty minutes later in absolute hysterics thinking about the fact that D memorized her number per her request so they could set up a playdate this weekend, and that he actually picked up the phone and balls out called her dad at almost ten o'clock at night when he is SIX YEARS OLD. 

I would appreciate prayers for the future of this child's life. Thank you in advance. 

3 comments:

  1. You are TOO funny! Perhaps Diet Coke is the answer???

    ReplyDelete
  2. LOL!!! Friday night shenanigans D's got 'em!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. "...and in her own passive-aggressive way of telling us to stop being lazy and put them on the charger, she said, "I have two phones over here on my table if anyone needs them."
    This is as real as life gets.
    This is as funny as life gets. ;)

    ReplyDelete

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