Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Word of the day: self-deprecating

Self-deprecating: (adj.) conscious of your own shortcomings.

I have trouble with things sometimes.

Things like walking, and not falling down a lot, and remembering what I named my kids, and algebra. And, apparently, straws.

Two of my boys had basketball practice tonight. On practice nights, dinnertime can be slightly crazy because we try to feed the kids early enough that they won't feel like puking up their dinner while running around at practice, and I am hard-pressed to actually get dinner on the table by 5:15 p.m. Since I knew there wasn't anything available at home to quickly throw together for dinner, I stopped by Taco Bell on the way home from work and ordered some food. It usually takes a minute for them to make all of the food that we order so I decided to open the straw and take a drink of my cherry limeade while I waited.

I cranked my Lil Wayne CD (...don't judge) and grabbed the straw and started trying to open it. I was really into the song so it took me a good 45 seconds or so to realize that I was seriously struggling to open the straw. Like...I really couldn't get it open. It was in a plastic wrapper instead of a paper wrapper, and it had a little shovel-looking thing on one end of it instead of just being a regular straight straw, and I swear, I could NOT open the stupid thing. I tried for probably another 30 seconds before getting the wrapper off, and when I finally did, I shook my head at myself and reached over to insert the straw into my drink.

I couldn't do that either.

The stupid little shovel thing absolutely would not go into the pre-cut star shaped thingy that straws are made to go into. This was about the time when I got the giggles, because I realized that AFTER I had spent almost 2 minutes struggling to open a freaking straw, I then could not manage to insert the straw into a drink lid, and that is just absurd. Folks, I am responsible for raising four children. I own my own home. I know how to drive a car. I know how to tie my shoes. I can type 85 words a minute, and I have maintained steady employment for most of my adult life. I am capable of a lot of things. I guess I just didn't realize that there would come a time in my life when straws would become such an issue for me.

By this point in my drive-thru adventure, I was pretty much overcome with giggles, much to the amusement of the drive-thru worker who was trying to hand me my food. I was completely alone in the car, aside from Lil Wayne, and I was totally laughing my ass off and waving the straw wrapper in the air as though that would somehow explain to the lady what I found so amusing. I'm pretty sure she didn't get it.

I don't really know how to wrap up this post other than to say, I do realize that this is the second drive-thru episode I've written about, and for that I really can't offer up any defense. I am just not the most socially graceful person you'll ever meet and I am giving everyone written proof of this fact.

And now, I've got to go pick the boys up from practice. Peace, love and straw wrappers, y'all!

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