Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Word of the day: embarrass

Embarrass: (v) to cause to experience a state of self-conscious distress.

I love my children.

A lot.

But lord have mercy, they know how to embarrass me at the most inopportune times and/or point out things that I would rather not be made aware of - usually because I'm already aware of the issue, and just don't want to do anything about it. I generally share these embarrassments on Facebook, but my friend Kimmie asked me to write a post about them on here. So folks, here are a few of the gems my offspring have let loose with:
  • Today - I walked in the door from work, and my sweet little daughter ran up and gave me a big hug. Then she kind of pulled away and looked at my belly. She rubbed it a little, and looked up hopefully, and I immediately said, "There is no baby in there, it's just my belly" to which she replied, "You're getting fat, Mommy." Then she patted my belly a couple more times, looking disdainfully at me, as though I needed further proof that I have, in fact, gained a few pounds. Thanks, darlin'.
  • A recent conversation between all four kids revolved around a new word that my second oldest son learned in his vocabulary class at school. The word was aroused, and the definition he learned was "to awaken from or as if from sleep". Well, I go to work early in the morning and my husband works evenings, so he is the one who wakes them up for school. Before I knew what was happening, the kids started spouting off sentences like, "Daddy arouses us in the morning" and "Daddy always arouses me first" and "Daddy is good at arousing us". These are not sentences I ever expected or wanted to hear, but I knew if I said anything they would lock on to my discomfort and just start saying it more. So I stood there with my back turned to them, horrified, listening to them talk about how well their daddy arouses them. Eventually their attention was captured by expelling various forms of gas at the dinner table, and I haven't had to hear them say it again.
  • Standing in a crowded grocery aisle with my exceedingly loud 4-year-old was apparently the perfect spot for him to announce, "Mommy, my butt itches REALLY BAD." He was also thoughtful enough to follow up with an inquiry as to whether or not I was suffering from the same ailment. Loudly.
  • During a recent bout with strep, I told my youngest son not to touch all over his siblings because he had strep and I didn't want them to catch it too. We arrived at the school to pick up the older three kids shortly after I told him this, and when I went to get him out of the car he was kind of holding his hands out funny and bellowing, "I can touch myself, right? I CAN TOUCH MYSELF, RIGHT?" I knew what he meant...but the people standing around my vehicle didn't. 
  • I learned the hard way - meaning publicly - that when you are encouraging your child to break words into separate syllables in order to better pronounce them, "country" is never an acceptable word to use.
  • Thanks to the love my three boys have for going shirtless in the house, I recently had to explain to my daughter that there is a difference between nipples and breasts, and that while everyone has nipples, only girls have breasts. My sweet girl then asked me, "If that's true, then why are Daddy's bigger than yours?" I fought a desperate battle to keep a straight face while thinking of a good answer, but I was saved from any further explanation when she screamed, "You have huge nipples" at my oldest son. This sentence was then repeated endlessly by my youngest son, who I am positive tucked that snippet away to share at  his church preschool the next day. 

That's all I've got for tonight. Maybe I'll scroll back through my Facebook statuses to find some more of the wonderful things kids say, and share them here. Have a good one, y'all.

3 comments:

  1. Wow, I got nothing! I know I am in for it with two little boys. Thanks for the insight.

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  2. Haahahah I AM NEVER HAVING CHILDREN!! :-D

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  3. Im holding myself and trying to get to the bathroom Im laughing so hard...esp after having your youngest as my new best friend now. Oh the stories I now have when I need a great laugh :)

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