Sunday, April 18, 2010

Word of the day: drive

Drive: (v) to cause and guide the movement of a motor vehicle, bicycle, mule, horse, boat or Power Wheels.

I cannot drive.

Now, if my husband were to sit down and read that sentence, he'd probably get a little giggle out of the double meaning in it. If he giggled. Which he doesn't, because he's a big tough man, and big tough men do not giggle.

However, I am not confessing an oblivious inability to obey traffic laws in some stereotypical "mom with a giant SUV full of shrieking kids who is talking on a cell phone while drinking a latte with a small dog standing in her lap" kind of way. You know her...we all do. We've all nearly been backed over by her in the grocery store parking lot, or have seen her coming down a two-lane road on our side of the street, or something along those lines. That. Is. Not. Me.

I am simply lamenting the fact that I have not driven a vehicle since December 24th of last year, and I am not supposed to drive a vehicle until June 25th of this year, and although I understand the necessity of that fact it still makes me want to yodel my frustration from the top of an Alpine mountain, or from wherever it is that people yodel.

My Christmas day seizure was truly a frightening out-of-the-blue ordeal...I'm sure more so for my husband and kids than for myself, but I'll tell you that waking up in a hospital with no idea why I was there, or how I'd gotten there, or how long I'd been there was not my best moment. As an added bonus, when I made it back to work after the seizure some of my slightly tactless but much adored co-workers decided to dub me Little Caesar, which considering my height and the similarity in pronunciation of the words "Caesar" and "seizure" is a pretty creative nickname...

Anyways, all of the testing I had done came back normal, and basically now I'm just waiting out the mandatory 6-month no driving restriction. Which, for a control freak like myself, is incredibly frustrating. I have two sweet vehicles just waiting for me to be able to drive them again, my lovely old BMW and my giant Yukon XL SUV in which I love to load up my brood of shrieking kids and head to the Coffee Beanery for a yummy latte - oh, Never mind that.

So...I'd really like some Coffee Heath Bar Crunch ice cream right about now, and a few months ago I'd just hop in the car and run to Walgreen's to pay way too much money to add inches to my waistline, but for now those kinds of plans have, out of necessity, been put on hold. I remain Little Caesar for two more months and a handful of days.

1 comment:

  1. Love love love! Also, on a sad note, a friend of mine just gave birth and while they were at the hospital (baby had complications) her husband had a grand mal out of freakin no whar....out of wherever yours came from! Hell, I suspect. Now she's got a newborn, a 3 year old, no job and a husband who can't drive to work. I feel for you both.......i don't know what I'd do if I couldn't drive! That being said, do you need me to bring you ice cream? I drive fast =)