Thursday, October 22, 2009

Word of the day: whip

Whip: (v) to strike with quick repeated strokes of something flexible and slender.
Whip: (n) a vehicle that is of considerable worth.

Turning thirty didn't exactly alter my life, contrary to my beliefs prior to my thirtieth birthday. It did, however, bring with it every possible chance to make me feel old. As in, when I was told at work that my whip needed new shoes. My what? I looked down at my feet, but I didn't see a whip there, and my shoes were actually pretty new. My co-worker (who is about 25 - actual age withheld to protect the somewhat innocent) then smirked and told me that my BMW is the whip about which he was speaking. Now, before you go and conjure up some image of a shiny new Bimmer*, let me assure you that mine is not that. My BMW is 15 years old, and although it can be persuaded (quite often) to go really fast, it is not shiny nor is it new. But I digress. I was then treated to a scintillating conversation whereby I discovered that the shoes my whip required were tires, on which I had just spent several hundred dollars so I was POSITIVE that my whip did not, in fact, need new shoes. But it took a lot of explaining to get me to this point, which effectively undermined my hipness and scooted my youth just a little bit further into the past.

As long as we're talking about whips...I ask you to imagine a skinny brown stick (think of a long, fat spaghetti noodle with an amazing amount of strength to it) that is supposed to be tied neatly in a bunch with many other sticks, adorning the corners of my kitchen. My 3-year-old, who I will refer to as BD (short for Bull Dozer, which really is an appropriate nickname for him), plucked one of these skinny brown sticks from its home and proceeded to whip his big sister across the arm with it. He had no idea that it would raise an angry red welt on her arm. He had no idea that she would shriek like a banshee who caught on fire while standing in a cactus patch after being shot with poisonous arrows. He just knew that he had a stick, and his sister happened to be within arm's reach, and so she became the unwitting recipient of his creativity. BD is a mischievous little thing; although the technical definition of mischief is somewhat devious, I wouldn't say that he is a deviant. After all, he's only three. He is, however, a little bit too smart for his own good. Some might even say he is as smart as a whip...but then I'd be hard pressed to remember which whip he is as smart as, and end up wondering if he needs new shoes, too.

*Yes, it's Bimmer, not Beemer or Beamer. Just trust me on this (or Google it).

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